Rules of Engagement: The Do’s and Dont’s of Marriage Conflict

Marriage conflict is inevitable, you can’t avoid it. You will disagree with your spouse one way or another. You won’t always see eye to eye, or be on the same page. I had to go through a mind shift when I got married that conflict isn’t bad, but there is a bad way to go about it. Proverbs 27: 17 says that iron sharpens iron, so one persons sharpens another. This sharpening process is what I think conflict is for marriage. It’s how we hold up a mirror and say, ” Hey, we need to fix this. We need to be better.”

Now, as I said before conflict is actually not bad in of itself but how we handle conflict can make something beautiful into something really ugly. I came up with some Rules Of Engagement that my husband and I follow and I thought I’d share them with you.

1. It is not ever acceptable to yell, emotionally attack, or intentionally hurt each other.
2. We are always called to love, honor, serve, and respect your spouse. Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:25
3. Emotions were given to use by God, but they aren’t the ruler of our hearts, the Holy Spirit is. Galatians 5:22-23
4. Prayer is always the first line of defense. Philippians 4:6
5. Always say sorry. Ephesians 4:31-32
6. Love and forgiveness are more important than “winning”. Proverbs 15:1
7. There is a very real enemy and that is not my spouse, it’s Satan. 1 Peter 5:8
8. Trust in the Lord to finish the good work He started in your spouse. It is not your job to do that work. Philippians 1:6
9. Don’t be easily offended.
10. Seek the best in your spouse.
11. Share openly, truthfully, and accurately what you are feeling and thinking.
12. Be specific in your apologies.
13. Be kind, gentle, and loving, even when you think they other person doesn’t deserve it. Romans 5:8
14. Love your spouse before yourself. Philippians 2:3

Think and pray on these things above and ask the Lord to move your heart towards grace, love, and selflessness.

Cass